The Go-To List for Girls

 

I have a confession to make.

My career and passion is in the beauty business. I manage a salon and retail shop. But that’s not the confession.For most of my life I thought I was ugly. I used to be the girl who thought I was too ugly to get my picture taken. I thought I was too ugly to go to my neighborhood’s block party when I was 14. I thought I was too fat to go to the clubs with my girlfriends. That’s the confession. No one knew how I felt about myself because I pretended everything was okay. Looking back at the pictures I allowed myself to be in makes me angry. I was pretty. I actually had a nice ass. I just didn’t let myself see beyond the self-doubt.

 

Everyday I hear young girls say the most horrible things about themselves, or worse, I hear the mother of the young girl say horrible things about her daughter (often within earshot of the impressionable girl who will now learn to hate herself and her body). That’s why I’m writing this; I want mothers to know what words can do and young girls to celebrate how awesome they really are. I am a mother of a 16-year -old-daughter and I hear and see what she goes through, and what her lovely friends go through. So, being me I have compiled a list, a go-to list if you will, for those days that are just too much.

 

• When you get a pixie cut, some people are going to tell you that you look like a boy. You don’t. You look awesome, they just don’t have the guts to be themselves and try something new.
• Your oily scalp will go away. It’s hormonal.
• People who tell you you are fat are just being assholes. Plain and simple.
• If you are 15 or 40, I am sorry to say, there will always be someone out there that will say something nasty, especially when you are happy. It’s not personal, you just happened to be the nearest target for them to spew their venom at. Trust me, they would yell at Jesus Christ  himself that he wasn’t making the water into wine fast enough.
• If you want to try being a blonde for a while, go for it – AT THE SALON. Do not attempt to do this on your own – it is not nice and easy. Trust me on this.
• Before you judge your mother too harshly, take a look at her relationship with her mother. Sometimes mother’s just don’t know any better. You can’t change it, you can only change how you decide to let it affect you.
• Your mom was just as insecure as you are right now. She may still be as insecure as you. To all the mother’s out there, the jig is up. We can’t guide our daughter’s if we are lost ourselves.
• When a friend is being nasty, take a breath and ask yourself if this person be in your life 6 months from now? If the answer is yes, be patient and try to find out what the problem is. If the answer is no, Adios amigo.
• If you are dating a boy who says nasty things to you – DUMP HIM! You can’t fix him.
• Your BFF is wonderful but she is also the same age as you, so she can’t help you as much as a counselor or a doctor if you are dealing with an abusive situation at home or have questions about sex. (By the way – jumping up and down after sex will not keep you from getting pregnant.)
• Everyone feels the same way you do — EVERYONE – from the head cheerleader to the tuba player in the school band. (Some of them just hide it better.)
• Although it may feel like it, not everyone is looking at you. Sorry to break the news to you, sometimes it isn’t all about you. I know right?! This revelation was a shocker for me, too.
• When someone has hurt your feelings, try not to let it control your life. More times than not, they don’t even realize (nor care) that your feelings are hurt. They are going on with their day without giving you or their words a second thought. Don’t let them live rent free in your head.
• It is okay to be yourself. It may get a little scary. You may find certain people distancing themselves from you, and that is okay. They are making room for all the awesome people trying to get into your life. Those are the people that will raise you up. They will help you see your beauty. Embrace these people because they are your true friends. They are the ones who will encourage you be yourself and help you be happy.

 

 

Sara Stancu is a salon/retail manager with over 20 years of experience. She writes at That Girl in the Red Coat and contributes to Salon Magazine, Hairstyle Blog and Visual Makeover. Sara has also been the woman who was not sure of herself or her looks and admits to locking herself in the bathroom because she hated her hair. An earlier version of this post originally appeared on Sara’s blog. Follow her on twitter .