Certainly by know you’ve heard that co-founder of Reddit, creator of the RSS feed at age 14, and Internet activist Aaron Swartz, committed suicide.
The news hit me hard, as news of people committing suicide always does. Especially young people. It was the same week that I dug into Amanda Todd’s story. If you have time, watch her heartbreaking video and try to help someone who is being bullied in her memory. She was cyberbullied for months and at 15 took her own life.
Four years ago, my young son was suicidal as a result of PTSD and we were lucky to witness him coming out of the darkness because of proper treatment. If that same situation had happened when he was a little older and could carry a suicide plan out, our story could be very different.
My son’s story could have been Amanda’s or Aaron’s story. Tragic.
I long for a time when people don’t want to die and for a time when we all hear their cries. I long for a day when bullying doesn’t send already depressed, hurt people over the edge to choose suicide over reaching out for help until they get it and I long for them to fight to live.
If you are thinking suicide is an option for you, please reach out.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can offer support. Their phone number is 1-800-273-TALK (8255). What you are feeling isn’t permanent and there is a way out. There are people who care about you and want you to live. I care and I want you to live.
If you think someone you know is at risk for killing themselves, here is a warning sign list. Out of 11 items on the list, I saw 9 of them in my son. If you are worried about someone, you can call, too. This is from their site:
Looking out for friends and loved ones is an important part of preventing suicide. You can call the Lifeline to speak with a crisis worker on behalf of someone you are concerned about. The crisis workers have access to local resources, and can help you identify ways to get help to your loved ones. So call 1-800-273-TALK today to help save a life.
By sharing my son’s story – who is doing well and hasn’t thought about suicide in nearly three years – I want to tell you things can get better. He survived and you or your friend or loved one can, too.
To my son, I say, “There is a way out, don’t leave us, you’re loved. There is always, always be a way out.” I want you to hear those words, too.
National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Julia Roberts is a skilled writer, speaker and tireless disability advocate. She can be found at TheOtherJuliaRoberts.com, writing at KidneysandEyes.com and managing SupportforSpecialNeeds.com. This post originally appeared on Aiming Low and was reprinted with permission.
Thinking about your post and then I saw this on Twitter – “Jadin Bell, Gay Oregon Teen, Taken Off Life Support After Hanging Himself” – huff.to/Vm4jkG. I don’t really have anything else to contribute, just sad again…
This is still too fresh to me (my nephew killed himself 3 wks ago) and my nerves too raw, but thank you for reaching out to so many.
xo
You and your family are still in my heart…
Thank you for sharing your story Julia. I too wish for a world without suicide. (Perhaps, one day…)
Two years ago there were 3 deaths in my community in a two week period. All young people (two older teens and one in his early 20′s). Two were suicides, one was an accidental heroin overdose. (In a Utopian suburbia – it still seems shocking.) You could feel the heartbreak all around our town for weeks and weeks. We had many dinner table discussions about the incidents.
My kids do not suffer from depression, but I can see things in both of them that I believe could possibly push them toward serious thoughts of suicide under the right conditions. We told them (repeatedly) that things will always get better eventually, but suicide is one thing you can never take back. Ever. It’s been a while since our discussions. It’s certainly worth repeating again.
I always believe in open discussions about it with our kids, even little ones. Maybe if they hear it enough they will believe they can come out of it.
the link to the list of warning signs isn’t working, FYI
Strong piece, Julia, and thanks for sharing it. This needs more attention. Although I have never tried to commit suicide, I can say I’ve thought about it and many know I struggle with self harm, although that is completely different. I’m sorry your son has struggled with this, but I’m so happy you are sharing his story and your knowledge about these kinds of issues. GO, JULIA, GO!!! xoxox
Thanks, I fixed the link – they moved it on their site! And yes, dark is dark, in my opinion. I know for us self harm and suicidal thoughts were tied very closely together so for us it was a warning sign of worse things to come. Thanks for sharing this post.
The Aaron Swartz story hit me hard also. Oddly, we had mutual friends. But that’s not why. In fact, I certainly don’t think he was a product of bullying. Why does it hit me hard? Because he was EXACTLY like my uncle. My Uncle, Andy, was brilliant. He was in Mensa. He played guitar. He was an all-American tennis player at Yale. He was a computer programmer in DC. His social life was full. His friends adored him. However, on December 7, 1987, at the age of 35, Andy took the gun he had bought five years
before, and shot himself in the head. He left no note, just his address book opened to my grandparent’s number.
To my mother and grandparents, his suicide was no shock, but it didn’t make it any less painful. His depression was unbearable and he never stayed with any kind of treatment. My mother always says that it was probably a great comfort for him. However, his friends were shocked. At some point, he told my grandfather, “I’m the greatest actor in the world.” His friends adored him. He was a single guy with no kids, but he was surrounded by friends. They came to his funeral in Tucson. They kept up with my grandparents for years, but they remained shocked. The juxtaposition of their Andy and the Andy who ended his life made no sense.
He adored my sister and I. We were the only children in his life. I was seven and my sister was ten. I was too young to really understand, and, my parents didn’t tell me the truth anyway. (now, the mother of a seven-year-old, I wonder if I would tell him the truth). My sister, however, was destroyed. His suicide flipped a switch in her. She moved from my funny, loving older-sister to someone unrecognizable. She became someone cruel. Our sisterly connection became a constant battle. However, She got older. She struggled. She is no longer cruel. She is my 35-year-old funny, loving sister. But, that bullet, took more than his life that day.
While I grew up in Wisconsin, I now live an hour and a half from his old house. I can’t help but wonder what life would be like if he were here.
I can’t imagine being so young and losing someone to suicide and know it must change so much in our lives and how we view it. I know, for us, even being adults to a child with suicidal thoughts/actions, to witness, I will never be the same.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your uncle. Thanks for telling his story and its impact on you and your family. We need to talk about it more. Thanks for sharing this piece.
thank you writing. I’ve never publicly written anything about suicide. Your post is such a good starting point for conversation.