I Am

I am not confused, but I am stuck

I am not towering above
I  am writing below
I am thought and light
Darkness and shame

I am not an ending; instead I am the start of something bigger

Better

Scarier

I am demand, and I am devotion
To everything
And nothing

I am bravery, and I am fear
Wrapped around love
Wrapped around falsehood and truth

Yet, I am failure
I am not yet strong
But, I am still not weak

I am longing
I am desire

I am not his
I am not mine

Or yours

I am somewhere in between

Somewhere I cannot yet define

But I feel it.
I’m waiting until I am loss
And heat

The wild ride you never thought of taking.
I am your sweet smell- wrapped inside a blanket
And protected
I am not your breath quite yet
But I will be.

 

Over-sharing Zavtik Mama, Editor, Writer, Yiddish Lover, Reform Jew, Avid Public Breastfeeder, and now,  the Not-So-Silent B in LGBT, — Shoshana Rachel puts the Shosh in Meshuga one word  at a time.  Read her ever-evolving voice on her blog, Shoshuga or follow her on . For her bigger fight on female equality, see her vlog on the great Jewish Women’s Organization Women of the Wall. This poem originally published on her blog.