I’m on the precipice of a whole new world, a world where I no longer focus on the size of my pants or the lumpy-ness of my thighs.
Who do I have to thank for this? The wonderful children from my Zumbatomic class today.
My story is not that unusual – I let my health fall to the wayside due to stress and sickness and the insanity that was college and then I finally took control back. I have lost 200 pounds from my highest weight and have about 100 more to go to reach what I consider to be my goal weight.
I still feel like I look like I weigh almost 500 pounds. I still feel like people judge me for my weight. I still feel like that insecure high school and college girl who hid her weight with a big smile and a self-depreciating joke or 10.
I still fight with her in my head.
I’ve lost a whole human male adult and then some. I’ve become a respected fitness professional in my city and am succeeding in my professional life as well.
And yet… that voice from the past still wins from time to time.
But today, in front of those 5 children, I didn’t act. I just was.
I got in front of them, talked to them about dance, the history of salsa, why we do certain stretches, and I taught them a dance routine. We played Freeze and danced and they showed off their mad tumbling skills. They danced for the adults in the Zumba class next door and their parents. Everyone smiled.
They accepted me, and most of all, respected me. When I showed off my split, and when I demonstrated the dance moves, they looked at me with reverence. They are excited to come back again next week.
When I left that room, I felt empowered. Why?
Because if they can look at me at 270ish pounds and see someone they can learn from and they want to emulate and that they want to get to dance with me again. Their respect means a lot to me because children can see through the facades we put on as adults. They saw me and they liked what they saw.
And I hope that they felt empowered too. Empowered by seeing me up there, getting my groove on, no matter what they see on TV and movies about what we fluffy folk can do. Empowered to know that no matter what body they grow in to that they can be healthy and happy and joyful in their lives. Maybe they’ll think twice about judging a classmate who is on the heavier side.
Maybe my Zumbatomic class will help me deal with the high school me who hides in the corners of my mind and let me focus on who I have become and who I want to be. Who I want those children to see and who I want them to want to be – happy and proud of their body, no matter what.
Samantha Collins is an almost 30 year old, displaced Yankee living in eastern North Carolina who is taking her life back one Zumba class at a time as an instructor, Hip Hop Hustle instructor, blogger, and all around nerd. Dealing with the stresses that come along with depression caused by illness and reaching her highest weight around 475 pounds. She’s lost a person and is still looking for herself in the mirror.
LOVE THIS! You are a superstar
Hello girl crush of mine! I have so much respect for you Sam. Your spirit, your heart and your body. You move in ways so many of us only dream of while we are trying to make our bodies fitter. Serious serious serious mad respect. Meegan was right about seeing you in your element. It’s as if nothing else exists when you are dancing. It’s a great thing to witness.
You are amazing. I know you hear that all the time but it’s true. Please please make sure you tell yourself that each time you look in the mirror.
You’re teaching those kids and adults alike to check their judgements at the door. You’re living your passion and it shows. Everyone that enters your classes feels it, and it’s contagious.
This made me cry. Samantha, I have always seen you as one of the most confident people I know and to think that you hurt because of actions or comments made by those who don’t even know you makes me want to cry some more. I wish we could all be what some appear to be…totally self confident with no cares in the world.
That’s what I love about Zumba. When I’m dancing I forget that I was a target of ridicule for many years. When I’m dancing, I’m just me. And in those moments it feels good to be me. I can be proud of who I am and what I have accomplished.
So, my dear Samantha, you keep that lovely chin up too. Always be proud of you and know that you have some true supporters who love you for YOU because you are truly one of the most awesome, inspirational and motivational people I know. I’m not a Zumbatomic participant, but I still like what I see…inside and out! Love ya!
Oh how I wish I could have been in the room with the zumba-tomic kiddos and seen you in action. Seeing you in action at FitBloggin was like seeing you in your magic place, you were pure gorgeous energy up on that stage. Life was just coming out of every pore.
I wish I could live with you in that whole new world. The one where we don’t worry about our pants size or think about the lumps in our thighs. And I’m thankful for the days, the moments all of the times that I DO live in that world. And maybe, just maybe, if we keep finding those magical places (like your zumba) we will get to live that in that world more often than not.
You are so full of awesome. And I love to read your words and watch your story unfold.
Watch out 30s. Here comes Samantha!
I was in awe of you when I heard you speak at FitBloggin and once again when I saw you dance. You were so happy, confident and beautiful…yes always be that girl! You are so amazing
You are a total baller. I’m so glad I met you at Fitbloggin’.
Beautiful story. And to risk sounding like a broken record, you are a blessing to me. It’s that spirit in your heart that you just wrote about – that tough as nails, yet still sensitive and vulnerable – that inspire ME to keep moving when I want to curl up. To be your business partner makes me so incredibly fortunate, but to be your friend? Means I am among the luckiest in the world. I love you Samantha!