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Anonymous Was Here

October 22, 2012 By Leave a Comment

This is not a usual occurrence on Girl Body Pride. If you want your words shared with the world and for our audience to connect with what you have to say, your name had better be attached to the submission or it will simply be looked over.

But there are always exceptions to the rule. And this is one of those exceptions. Please read the brave words that have been sent out into the world. I have granted the writer her privacy because of the subject matter shared. I ask that you if you choose to comment, you do so with love. And my thanks to Anonymous for being brave enough to take this first step.

 

My friend told me about this blog about revealing your fears. I can’t remember the name, but I wrote her this post to let her know all the things I’m afraid to tell the world:

I’m afraid to tell you that I take Zoloft even though it deadens me and leaves me with nothing to say. When I miss a dose, the anxiety comes up behind me, throws me to the ground and chokes me.

I’m afraid to tell you that my jealousy is an illness that brings me to my knees and locks me in my room.  The green-eyed monster sucks my blood and my sanity and my will to fight back. It leaves a puddle of tears and echoes of silence– the kind of silence that rings in your ears driving you slowly mad.  The monster pushes me to the floor of the bathroom or the foot of the bed. It places calls and writes emails that it shouldn’t and takes frantic car rides.  It lies and lies and lies until I’m hot and sticky.
Then, I take meds and it’s gone, but so is my passion and my desire to climb into my husband and be a part of him.
I’m afraid to tell you that I was molested, and I still have an important relationship with this person. We were children and this person is not a predator. I’ve told no one, not even my husband because it would destroy goodness. It’s not a victim speaking out of fear; it is an adult speaking of a very imbalanced child who grew into a stabler adult. It never shaped my life, until now. I’m terrified of having two children so far apart in age living in my house. I’m terrified of what might happen to my daughter.
I’m worried that people might think it shaped my sexuality..I’m afraid to tell you that with very few exceptions, I can’t be friends with men. I don’t get them. I don’t know how to just be friends. It never works.
I’m afraid to tell you that I’m having an affair, my husband knows, but he doesn’t know that we are in love. I’ve afraid to tell you that our live would be torn apart. I dream of blending our families. I’m sure it will never happen.

I’m afraid to tell you that I want a different life, but I don’t know what kind of life I want.

 

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