Unabashedly Me

Ever have those days when you look into the mirror and are filled with loathing? When all you see is every flaw highlighted and screaming at you that you’re not good enough?

That used to be my daily truth. I would look at my reflection and drown in the desire to be something, someone else. All I saw was the difference between who I was told I was supposed to be and who I really was.

I couldn’t even console myself by being pleased with what was on the inside either. The ugly I saw went bone deep.

For years I was told by my parents and then by my ex-husband how unacceptable I was. My parents mainly focused on the external, while the ex went after the internal. While I experienced many moments of clarity in which I knew I wasn’t the awful troll they painted me to be, it’s hard to combat the barrage from the people who are supposed to love you most. So what did I do? Spent a good deal of time confused and depressed, trying to be someone who would please them.

Then?

I got over it and decided to live life on my terms. I cut my parents out of my life for 6 years and then finally dumped the ex (not just for the reasons listed above). I reconciled the truth I’d clung to in my head with my reflection and realized that not only am I not a bad person both on the inside and on the outside, but that I kind of like myself.

In fact, I’m starting to really like myself. And I refuse to be anyone else.

The first real breath of freedom is a heady one, and there’s room up here for every single woman who wants to embrace their own true reflection. I’m not talking about ignoring our faults or denying the fact that there are things we need to change and ways we need to grow. I’m stating that I AM NOT ASHAMED TO BE ME. It is in that pure honesty that I have found true happiness.

So, I’ve decided to share some of that honesty with all of you. This is a small list of some of my truths. Some are ones I used to define myself by, some are ones I still define myself by, but all are unabashedly me.

- I am head over heels in love with my man

- I am a half Swedish/half mutt/half blonde and I dye my hair

- I have a serious ghetto booty

- Mint Moose Tracks ice cream is my kryptonite

- My jeans range from size 14 to 16 and I love my curves

- While I’m a huge animal person, I prefer cats over dogs

- I have a life-long tendency to take in strays…of all kinds

- Fuck is my favorite word

- Humor and intelligence are some of the sexiest traits a person can have

- I am a survivor of child sexual abuse and rape

- I haven’t forgiven my ex yet, but I am working on it…

- I was diagnosed with CFIDS (chronic fatigue and immune dysfunction syndrome) when I was 20 and Fibromyalgia when I was 24

- I am stubborn beyond anything you can ever imagine

- My phone voice rocks

- I have a fantastic career I worked my ass off for

- I like guns

- I’m compassionate to a fault at times, yet, I can be a selfish bitch

- I look at the heart and soul of a man

- I believe in God and I also believe that’s my personal business

- Having an open mind and always questioning is a character trait I never want to lose

- Okay, so shoes are my true kryptonite

- I’m possessive

- I hate my upper arms, but I am vain about my boobs

- Brussels sprouts are proof that there is a devil and he is EVIL

- I am beautiful and it is okay for me to say so

Now that you know quite a few things about me, tell me about you. Who are you really?

 

H.C. Palmquist is a writer, people wrangler, future crazy cat lady and happiness activist. She can be found writing on her blog, Wanton Acts of Writing and chatting on .