It’s no surprise that I’ve gone through some physical changes and struggles with my weight. These changes came not from the growth of a miniature human, because ten days on the breast, the swift passing of a gall stone, and the lingering metabolism of my early twenties had me back in pre-babe shape by week two. I’d duck and cover, but there are women still hiding under the table after giving birth that will call me an asshole, too.
No, the addition of the ell bees can be contributed to the cocktail of medications I was prescribed to treat my mental instabilities. The bi-polar, the anxiety, the insomnia. Those bastards set up shop with no intention of fleeing without first leaving their mark. My tiger stripes can attest that they did their job well. Someone get those fuckers a medal.
Now that I’ve clawed my way (mostly) out of the pits of depression hell and have found myself in the happiest place I’ve found myself in years, I’m kicking those scoundrels to the curb and regaining my body in the process.
Weight gain is one thing. Weight gain riding on the coattails of mental duress makes for a whole new ball game when it comes time to shed the physical effects. It takes a strength that, for the longest of times, you were convinced you’d never possess. Pushing the mute button on the internal dialogue of self destructive commentary was and is the hardest part. Letting the positive personal reinforcement trump the eternal doubt is tough too, but surrounding myself with the support and accountability I need has made every ounce of difference.
Yesterday I posted a photo on instagram about almost being there. Back to the size and shape I know “fits” me best. Healthy, confident, and satisfactory is all I desire. I need not be thinspired nor waiver on the brink of being an American statistic. I just need to fit in MY skin.
So I urge you, if you’re struggling with physical manifestations of your mental and emotional turmoil, that you know you’re not in this battle alone. Please always feel free and safe reaching out to all of us here. You can do this.
Just make sure you tilt shift your best assets.
Jessi Sanfilippo considers herself funny, fancy, that-guy-in-the-crowd-chanting-freebird, and living the geek life while momming along the way over at shuggilippo and on the reg over at . This post was originally published at shuggilippo on May 13, 2012.
Congratulations on getting through the darkest part of it and coming out safely to the other side. I applaud your determination. This post inspired me to go for a walk instead of eating chocolate for breakfast.
Many people think that mental health issues only affect you in certain ways. Unfortunately, the physical human body laughs at their foolishness and morphs and changes without concern for the emotional changes that same body is experiencing.
If the mental and emotional needs are in check, the physical body tends to listen better to what you ask of it. Otherwise, the physical body is like “Why am I going to listen to a crazy brain telling me to lose weight, as a matter of fact I need more cheetos and go-go juice!”
I’m so glad you’re able to let your physical body know who’s really in charge.
I don’t mean to make light of mental or emotional health issues. But if people who misunderstand how so inter-connected they are with the physical health issues would just back off, many of us wouldn’t have to unprocess their nonsense while working through our health matters.